Reflections on a Career Chosen by Default: Part 3

As I re-work these posts from my original article I am struck by the fact that my life has been full of transformational experiences.  From the earliest days of my life I remember yearning for the next step.  Unlike many people I couldn't wait to grow up...now at 54 I still feel the same...what's around the next corner.

A mindset that is continually seeking growth and adventure is one that never gets old.  Given our short time here on earth, I want to live with that gusto as long as possible.  I've even been known to say I want to live to 120 because, after all, why sell yourself short!

Below are the next three gems I've gleaned from my career as a nurse...read them and see if they don't spark some sense of adventure in yourself.  Who knows, you, too may decide to pick up the quest again and make the most of the life you have yet to live!

SELF ESTEEM

With the discovery of my unique talents, being involved in saving numerous lives, and having the opportunity for continuous growth and ongoing self improvement, I can say without a doubt that my nursing career has directly impacted my own self esteem in a very positive way.

There were many times as a child where I felt inferior or less than those around me.  Even as a young adult those feelings plagued me.  When I was into the 'club' scene and dancing as often as I could there'd be nights where I'd look around at all the 'beautiful people' surrounding me and feel inadequate.   Now it didn't matter that I was already creating value in the world in my professional life.  The club scene was all about appearances and no one could tell by looking who I was.  It was a world that judged by appearances.

There finally came a point in my life where I had to dig deep enough to anchor the truth about my core.  It was there that I found real self esteem and it grew directly from what I had to offer the world.

So when you're feeling those twinges of insecurity, feeling 'less than' go to the mirror and look into your eyes and find the truth about you, the truth that is good and has value.  That's what I would do in those clubs so many years ago.  All it took was one look to realize I wasn't nearly as immaterial as I felt.  It's a simple strategy but it works!

ADDED VALUE

As I continue to enumerate the reasons why I have been truly gifted from my nursing career it becomes easier to see the contributions I have made to the individual lives of my patients and their families, but also to the nurses I have been blessed to work with.  I've learned from some of the greatest and most humble people on the face of this earth.

One of the most important women I've had the honor of working with was an LPN in Ohio who I credit with having taught me everything I needed for a solid foundation in nursing.  Shirley was not an easy person to work with, or so I was told.  The truth was, she was a damn good nurse and without her I may never have arrived where I am.  She was a beautiful blend of talent, hard work and fun.  She gave me a tremendous sense of self worth that I have leveraged into a career where I now add value to people’s lives.  Whether it's with a patient or a co-worker, the value is never only one direction.  The mutual relationship benefits both the giver and the receiver.

PEOPLE SKILLS/SOCIAL INTERACTION

Perhaps one of the most often cited reasons people go into nursing is to help others.  After many years in the field I began to reflect on the incredible people-skills I had learned.  Looking back, I can see how often I was picked to work with the ‘difficult’ patient or family member, and I realize how much joy I got from interacting with such diversity in the people who enter the health care arena.  That diversity had directly related to the opportunity to improve people skills and use my unique talents to make a contribution where others may have walked away because of the difficulty and challenge these people presented.

So the next time you face a difficult person or someone who challenges everything you believe in and think, pause, and wonder..."What would I do if I knew this person's behavior was driven by something so important, so incredible valuable they were willing to show up as my biggest problem?"

A little willingness to wonder sometimes opens doors we least expect and change us for the better.

Reflections on a Career Chosen by Default: Part 2

As I discussed in my last post, my career has been a truly transformational journey...one I could have never planned myself.  Today I want to continue with three more reasons I love my career and invite you to begin looking at the gifts you have reaped from your journey through life.

FINDING MY TALENT

When I graduated from nursing school it was a lot like graduating from any college.  I had to get out in the ‘real’ world and find out how to put my degree to work.  My nursing school instructors had taught us about ‘reality shock’ in the 'real' world beyond school but understanding it intellectually was nothing like experiencing it first hand. 

It was a rough and rocky start for me. 

In fact, one of my first supervisor’s told me I would never make a good nurse, then she intentionally tried to add insult to injury by saying I would be lucky to be an LVN/LPN.  Well, being young and inexperiences, I was sure she was right.  Luckily I was never raised to be a quitter.  So, I gathered myself up and went on down the road to apply for work at another hospital.  It was here that I received the unexpected offer to work as the charge nurse in the ICU. 

Looking back on it, I can see the humor in how that first interview went but at the time, I was dead serious.  When the Director of Nurses  offered me the job I told her I didn’t think it was the job for me because...and honest to God these were my exact words...I wasn’t a good nurse.  I can remember her smile and the conversation that followed.  The bottom line?  She promised they’d train me.  When I repeated myself she added "We won't leave you alone until you feel ready."  What could I say?  This awesome and incredible nurse believed in me and not only helped launch my career but unwittingly  helped me find my talent, because, I was never cut out to handle 30+ patients on a general med-surg floor where I had barely enough time to talk to each patient.  The ICU grants access to (and responsibility for) every single detail of one or two people’s well-being and care. 

It couldn’t have been better or more perfect fit for me.  I discovered it is better for me to handle the intensity of a crisis with sustained focus, and attention to subtle nuances, as well as the grueling hours of a high stress environment for 12 to 16 hours at a time.  Plus, I learned that in an emergency, when no one else steps forward to take charge, I can and do.

LEVERAGE/JOB VARIETY

Landing in that ICU early in my career surely helped to leverage my career in part because it honed my skills.  With those skills, nursing has offered me an incredible variety of job opportunities.  My willingness to learn and accept opportunity when it presented itself resulted in a long run of interesting and exciting jobs.  Aside from the ICU’s and ER’s, which are certainly exciting, I have had opportunities and experience  with spinal cord and head injuries in a rehab hospital, as a home health nurse and in hospice.  In a more wellness-oriented vein I was the coordinator for health promotion programs in four major corporations, have had my own case management business, been a clinical manager, taught full day workshops to other nurses on holistic nursing, coordinated performance improvement and staff education for a large home health company, been an auditor in a revenue management department for a county hospital system, handled financial and service contracts for incoming research protocols from medical schools, and contracted with attorneys for medical record reviews.  What do I do now?  Currently I work as a regulatory consultant, and will be teaching nursing students in an LVN school this fall.  You gotta love the variety.

LONGEVITY/REMAKING OF A CAREER

With all that variety comes a nice career with unusual longevity.  Most people face the challenge of transitioning to new careers at lest two to three times in their life time.  As you can see from the variety of jobs listed in the last paragraph, nursing has afforded me ample opportunity to remake my career without having to start from scratch.  In fact, longevity in nursing has been possible exactly because it has offered me such diversity.  It has truly offered me a journey like I could have never imagined.

In my next post, I'll begin with Reasons 6, 7 and 8...and a more personal look at how it has afforded me a truly transformational journey.

Reflections on a Career Chosen by Default: Part 1

Recently I was asked to write about the 10 Reasons I Love My Career.  The request came from a colleague I met briefly at a conference in Indianapolis last year, Angela Brooks.  Like me she is a nurse and May is the month we honor nurses during National Nurses' Week.  Her blog has a host of interesting topics, some written by nurses like myself.


As I wrote the article for her blog, I discovered that, although nursing was not a career choice that came from my own inspiration, it has turned out to be one that has gifted me through my life in many ways.  For those of you who didn't see my original article on Angela's sight, I am reposting it in more digestible segments, and hopefully with more clarity than the original version.  May it inspire you to reflect on the gifts your own career and life choices have brought.  Enjoy!

10 Reasons I Love My Career

When Angela emailed me about writing for Nurses’ Week this year I was quick to jump at the offer!  You see, I’ve been a nurse for nearly 35 years (I graduated in 1978-I know, I’m old!) I and I love writing!

So here I am, sitting in Starbucks with my writing group just an hour after her invitation.  Although I don't always outline when I'm writing fiction, the first thing I did for this article was take out my pen to create my list of ten.  

So what are my 10 Reasons for loving my career?  Here's the short list:

1.    Job Security

2.    I get to Save Lives!

3.    It helped me Find My Talent

4.    Leverage and Job Variety

5.    Longevity - the ability to remake my career

6.    Strengthens Self Esteem

7.    Add Value to society and the world in general

8.    People Skills & Social Interactions

9.    Knowledge of Human Response Patterns

10.  Spirituality/Holism and cutting edge thinking

Now I’ll be honest, the intention of this article is not to convince you to be a nurse or that nursing is a great career.  My only intention here it to share with you the skinny on what has made nursing a great career for me.  It is my hope it will inspire you to take five minutes to jot down the top 10 reasons you love your career and reflect on the gifts it brings.

Here are mine.

JOB SECURITY

From the time I graduated nursing school and was licensed as a registered nurse, I have never gone longer than a few days without landing a good job.  In these economic times it is easy to see why this one was the first to come to mind.  The fact is, I took this for granted a long time until I became more aware of how different this is for many other people.  Granted, I interview fairly well which helps, but that skill came with experience and  undertanding that I had a lot to contribute.

SAVING LIVES

One of the things I had the  opportunity to learn early in my career is that we each have unique strengths that we owe ourselves to discern.  If you'd like a way to begin that process for yourself check out the StrengthsFinder website.  I bought the book which included an online evaluation.  It may be as empowering to you as it was to me.  

As for saving lives, I had the fortuitous opportunity as a new graduate to accept a job in a rural, community hospital as the charge nurse in the intensive care unit (ICU) on the night shift.  One reality of rural hospitals is that, at best, they have a single contracted doc to man the emergency room (ER) if and when someone visits.  There are no regular doctors in the house.  There is only a skeleton crew of nurses with little to no ancillary staff.  In fact, the charge nurse in the ICU is often presumed to be the most skilled nurse in the hospital and, at a minimum, the emergency backup for other units and situations that arise throughout the hospital.  

Suffice it to say, I wasn’t sure I could do the job, but what I learned could never have come without this experience.  Over my 33 years in nursing I’ve been involved in saving dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of lives.  Even so, the significance of it never dawned on me until one evening at a networking event with other young professionals, mostly oil and gas managers and ‘up and comers’.  Inevitably the conversations at these events always came down to “So what do you do for a living?”  For some reason that night, and without a second thought, I simply said “I save lives.”  The young man I was talking to got this smirky grin on his face and said “No, really, what do you do?”  In that moment I knew what I did was incredibly special and powerful!

...next up, more on Finding my Talent (Reason 3) and Leveraging my Job into Incredible Variety

I look forward to hearing from you and the reasons you have for Loving Your Job!

Relationship Compatibility

How much we learn over time!  In my 50+ years I have often wondered about relationship compatibility.

I can remember during the early dating years of my 20's hearing the much-bantered term "compatibility".  What was that, really?  I wondered.  It was a question that would stay with me to this day.  For years I accumulated information that eventually formulated a better understanding of it.

My latest foray into the adventure of relationships has once again added to my evolving understanding of  compatibility.  It has been my observation that compatibility occurs on multiple levels.  Today I'd like to suggest that these levels can be understood as physical, mental, emotional and sexual/spiritual.

It is my premise, that if compatibility is too far off in any one level the relationship is destined for pain and heartache and certain struggle.

Wikipedia defines Interpersonal Compatibility as follows:
Interpersonal compatibility is a concept that describes the long-term interaction between two or more individuals in terms of the ease and comfort of communication.

The article takes a deeper look at components of psychological theory but for the purposes of this article I will keep the ideas as simple as possible.

PHYSICAL COMPATIBILITY
I have found that physical compatibility begins with a physical attraction.  When I first started dating again, in my 40's I had to confront a ridiculous idea that accepting my physical preferences in potential mates was somehow shallow.


Since I ventured into the world of online dating, I had to admit that no one would even know if I looked simply for what was physically pleasing to me.  It didn't take long to realize that physical attraction wasn't shallow.  It was simple one part of determining compatibility and the longterm potential for happiness.

MENTAL COMPATIBILITY
Another aspect that increases the likelihood of happiness is a similarity in mental ability.  Now, I have learned that mental compatibility includes a vast number of components.  It includes innate intelligence, common sense, communication skills, and what I've been told is called "lag time".  


Lag time is the time it takes between a verbal comment and a response.  Of course, I'd never have learned about it if I hadn't been in a longterm relationship where the difference in the speed at which we each processed information hadn't been so obvious.  Being the one on the speedier side of the equation, I found myself often thinking "spit it out!"  Obviously not very conducive to warm and loving feelings between partners.


I've also learned that, although I have a huge heart with the ability to find the good in most, equal levels of innate intelligence and common sense can be critical factors in compatibility, too.  And, they are not the same.  Some people are highly intelligent, some have a high degree of common sense, and some have both.  Figuring out where you fit and how well matched you are with your potential mate is something to look at closely.

SOCIAL COMPATIBILITY
Perhaps an easier trait to examine, or perhaps one more commonly addressed is the social aspect of people.  Most people are aware of whether they recharge their batteries by being around people or in quiet, more solitary activities.  If you're interested in looking at introversion and extroversion tendencies, I would suggest the Myers-Briggs Trait Inventory...of course, that appeals to my level of mental stimulation which may not suit you at all!


SEXUAL/SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY
For many, many people the first four aspects I've covered are enough to determine compatibility but I would venture to include one more for your consideration.  This is one that I call sexual/spiritual.  Now I understand that for some of you, linking these two together may give you pause.  For others of you it may stop you dead in your tracks.  But from my perspective, as a holistic nurse who is used to dealing with the very nature of our biology and its intimate link to the unseen world beyond this one, I find them quite related.


Of course, I'm not talking about religion or religious beliefs here and if you haven't separated them from spirituality I would encourage you to invest some time there first.  What I am talking about is the energetic connection between our sexual-biological urges and the creative impulse.


The areas of interest for me evolved from years of spiritual exploration and practice.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with my background, I was raised Catholic...yes the whole parochial school thing for eight years...and have spent much of my life exploring eastern and western spiritual teachings, yoga and meditation.  In the late 80's I had a life altering spiritual awakening which catapulted me into the world of holistic nursing.

My nursing practice trained me to recognize human response patterns and to see health challenges as signs of expanding consciousness and I soon began to realize just how much we didn't know about the deeper spiritual nature of our selves.

That said, sexual and spiritual compatibility are topics that can be better addressed in further posts.  Suffice it to say that everything from the way we approach sexuality to the depth of our own spiritual consciousness affect our compatibility in relationships.

EMOTIONAL COMPATIBILITY
For those of you who noticed I moved from mental to social compatibility, skipping right over the emotional, you might find it interesting to know I was surprised to reach the end of my article and find I hadn't addressed the most recent insight I've learned.

The emotional makeup of people is likely as varied as any characteristic.  Given that many people are averse to dealing with emotions it makes sense that this area of compatibility can cause the most confusion and wreak the most havoc on relationships.

Emotions are a difficult topic for many.  Our families either expressed or didn't express emotion.  And, we were all wounded at this level at some point in our lives.  For those of us who are aware of our wounding, the variety of responses to that are myriad.  Some willingly admit it but won't deal with it.  Others never talk about it though they're aware of the deep pain.  My father falls into this category.  Still others are regular emotional adventurers who delve deeply into the recesses of the mind and enjoy the spelunking.  One of my favorite jokes goes....What do intelligence and 4-wheel drive have in common?  They both get stuck in even more remote locations!

Okay, so now you have a feel for my sense of humor and hence, my emotional preference.  Finding an emotionally compatible mate has never been easy for me.  First of all, most men are taught to bury their feelings from the time they are wee little.  Secondly, their ability to understand, yet alone navigate or, even more unlikely, be able to comprehend a partner's emotional motivation is less likely.  And in the rarer scenario, where a male partner has the awareness and ability to synthesize this amorphous territory, there conclusion may or may not support your higher evolution.

The toughest part of the emotional journey is that intimate relationships tend to strip away our defensive covering and lay our hearts bare, exposing our softest, gentlest most sensitive underbelly and hearts.

Seeking out compatible relationships is not for the faint of heart.

Interestingly, the Wikipedia article mentioned above has brought to my attention yet one other factor related to emotional compatibility.  That of the nature of 'complementary' behaviors that fall into two dimensions....specifically the submissive/dominance dimension and the hostile/friendly dimension or warmth.  Basically, the idea is that each behavior invites a certain response from the other.  The behavior and response are said to be complementary.

The surprising thing is that friendly behavior begets friendly behavior but dominant behavior begets submissive behavior.  Now, I don't know about you, but I am both trained and sensitive to natural laws and find it much more comfortable to respond in a complementary fashion.

If the initial behavior invites a natural response from the second person that matches the second person's goals then the second person is satisfied.

The problem is that I am drawn to more dominant men but have lived the bulk of my life in a dominant role.  Always a teacher never a graduate?  It will take a unique man to be a compatible match for me.

People tell me it will happen when I least expect it...well, that could be any time now because when compatibility is too far off in any one level....well, let's just say I'm not sure I can expect emotional compatibility to happen in my lifetime without pain and heartache and certain struggle.

In the mean time I will continue to value the journey and social adventure of relationships and hold tight to my belief in this quote from the Tao Te Ching:

When opposites no longer damage each other, both are benefited through the attainment of Tao...

Therefore, the wise identifies opposites as one, and sets an example for the world. --- Tao Te Ching

Or perhaps it is as my friend Tim so gently said "we live by simple rules...don't expect what you yourself cannot deliver."

Living on the Other Side

Many of us have been on a spiritual path since before we can remember.  Born into a Roman Catholic family, I was baptized and began my early spiritual training before I could talk or walk.  At the age of 14 I had completed 8 years of Catholic school and attended Mass six days a week for that entire time.  Hmmm....that equates to something like 1,928 days of church.

Somewhere during the middle school years I began questioning..first it was some of the doctrine.  Then, it was why we couldn't experience God outside of church.  You know, why did we have to go to church?  If God was everywhere, wouldn't he know if we spent an hour with him...say, from bed?

Those of you familiar with Vatican II, which ran from 1962 to 1965, may remember those days when many church rules were changed or completely eliminated.  The celebrant turned to face the people, meat was no longer forbidden on Fridays, and we were, startlingly allowed to actually touch the host during the sacrament of Communion.

These changes brought other things to the surface that I had been taught over the years.  Like, why would babies be born in countries where they could not be introduced to God and baptized into the Church so they could go to heaven?

Several years ago, my friend Roberta reminded me how we had raised the ire of our local pastor one day when we decided to knock on his door and ask him?  As she recalls it, he became red-faced and could barely keep spittle from flying out of his mouth as he raised his voice and, essentially, ran us out of his house.  I don't actually remember this but I'm sure it was something we would have done.

After moving out of my parents' home in the mid-70's I found myself on another path exploring Eastern religions, yoga and meditation.  I studied runes and the Tao.  I attended programs with Tibetan monks who chanted and read philosophy.  As I approached my 21st birthday I remember experiences that opened me up to learning about chakras and my own intuitive nature.

In the late 80's I volunteered at the Houston Center for Attitudinal Healing and taught workshops on perception, emotions, and finding meaning and purpose in life.  I attended a 10-day

Vipassana meditation in western Massachusetts where we took a vow of silence for the duration.  In 1989 I had a spiritual  death and re-birth experience from which I emerged a different person.

During the 90's I began training as a holistic nurse and became certified in 2000 just as my marriage was ending.  I taught workshops on holistic nursing and began coaching others who found themselves navigating transitions in life and dealing with spiritual awakening.  I continued to work in the hospital part time and began to see health challenges as episodes of emerging consciousness.

As the years progressed I began to wonder why there was so little information available on living life beyond the point of first awakening.  Most of the literature, even today, seems to be about getting people to begin to reflect and search for meaning in life and getting past the struggle of unconscious living.  Very little seems to speak to life on the other side of awakening.

Somewhere in the past ten years, I grew weary of the external voices of authority that dictate things I already practice.  What of a life that is sourced from a deep sense of connectedness to all things?  Is it too 'crazy' to write from the center of our soul?  To share with others our experiences of a life by Design?

What would happen if we all lived from our truest self.  If we shared that self with one another?  Would we find our tribe?  Our soul mates?  Our community?

Could we unify our focus and shift our energy to a higher state of being?

Could we allow life to create by Design?

I wonder...

Our Zone of Genius

What do we do when we find ourselves perched on the plateau? So much of our lives are lived in the highs and lows of emotion...

...We're satisfied with this, not satisfied with that.

But, what of the neutral zone? That place where life stalls and we find ourselves leveling out...motivation falls away...no urgency to 'do' anything...nothing pulling at us.  We're not exactly content but then we're not disappointed either.

If we are lucky enough to find this spot it may feel a bit uncomfortable at first.  We're so used to having too much on our plates.  The Christmas break afforded me some wonderful, unstructured time.  It was time spent doing what I wanted.  Relaxing.  Enjoying the Christmas holiday.  Preparing meals and treats with my partner, Richard.

When I returned to work this past Tuesday I was surprisingly sensitive to the aggressive energy I felt as I merged onto the freeway.  I knew this energy was no different than before the break but somehow my own skin had thinned and it buffeted me around a bit.

December had been a challenging month with my Dad's stroke and my cat losing weight.  My emotions were a lot closer to the surface and I felt raw.  However, merging onto the freeway, I was not so sure I was ready to put up the hard defenses that I had carried around the past year.  What if I just softened my shell a bit and eased into the world from a new perspective?

Everyone needs a certain level of activity in their lives.  But there is a distinction between activity and frenzy and aggression.  Most of us never find that place where peacefulness settles in.  And if we do it seems to create a certain anxiety. 

Navigating to a place where peacefulness exists seems to somehow take away the need and desire for action.  If we can get to that place we often label it as boredom.  But what if we realized that place as the space of pure potential.  A space where our energy could be directed or channeled into a creative direction of our own.

The challenge of being in this space is that we don't usually feel like being creative.  At least not for a while.  We so rarely arrive here that it is as if our body, mind and spirit long for a regenerative rest.  In this place we seem to just observe where we are and what we are doing.  Our energy lulls and seems to simple sit quietly in a pool of self contemplation.

Last Monday I had the opportunity of spending the better part of the day alone.  My guests were gone and my son wouldn't return until evening.  I had the wonderful awareness that 2010 might be more enjoyable if I could learn to be more conscious of how I managed my energy.

So, for the remainder of the day I simply observed how my energy felt.  When I was tired, I slept.  When I was hungry, I ate.  When I remembered something I needed to do, I did it.  No plans.  No urgency.  No worry.

As the week wore on, I had more opportunities to observe how I managed my energy.  This weekend I found myself sitting on the plateau.  No urgency to do anything.  I knew there were things I "should" do but I just didn't feel like doing them.  I began to notice my energy no longer moved out in front of me.  In fact, it seemed as if it were collapsing inward.  I noticed how it actually felt better if I moved my energy out into simple activities without any attachment to outcome or achievement.  I began to wonder if health was the positive movement of energy that sources from within outward into our immediate surroundings.

Richard had recently expressed the valence of our two energies coming together in the context of a Venn diagram.  Where our individual energies overlapped there were at times harmony and at other times discord.  If we think of ourselves as energy beings and how we run our energy we might be able to gain more objective insight into our lives.

In that place where we rest on the plateau and the energy seems neutral, we might just find our zone of genius.

Moving Toward Healing

Thinking back on the challenges we all face in separating from our mothers and the subtle, pre-verbal emotional debris that lodges in our second chakra I began to wonder about what might be better stored at that level.

As the answers started to reveal themselves, I found myself hoping that it would also serve as an opportunity for deeper, multi-generational healing that can impact our children and their children in ways that continue to further healthier ways of living in the world.

First the easy answers...

1. We are both loved and lovable.
- Can you think of even one person who loves you? Sit for just a moment and think about this. What is your experience like of being loved? Shift to feeling loved and let go of all your thoughts. Allow the feelings of being loved flow through you.

- Next shift your attention to your body. What does your body feel when it is lovable? Allow the love to permeate through your body? Can you drop down into the depth of your true self...the self that is pure and whole? Can you let yourself feel the Self that is totally and completely lovable? It is not about what you do...only who you are. This is your state of being. Your lovable self.

2. Our minds are filled with things we say to ourselves. Most of the time we're so used to these things we don't even realize they are there. The next time you notice you're feeling ill at ease or a little off take a moment and listen to your thoughts. Do they begin with things like..."I'll never..." or "How can I ever..." or "I hate....". These are the thoughts that drain our good feelings away from our experience in the present moment. Enough of these and we affect our biology...our immune system, our endocrine system, our digestive system. Eventually the chemical changes in our biology affect the actual structure of our cells...we age at a rapid rate, we are prone to infections or allergies, we become exhausted and cannot tolerate certain aspects of our diet.

When you begin to notice these thoughts and feelings, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. Let go of any thought that's been running around in your mind and notice the physical surroundings in your immediate environment. Cultivate feelings of appreciation and love. Challenge the thought you've been having. I use a simple 3-step process. It goes like this...

- Notice the negative thought
- Challenge it. Is it 100% accurate and real? Is it the only truth?
- When you find that it's not, as you certainly will, restate the deeper truth.
- And one bonus step...write the new truth as a positive affirmation.

Let me give you an example:
- Why can't I ever be on time?
- Wait! I'm on time a lot of the time. It's just this time that I'm running late. (And even if I'm often late, I know I'm not ALWAYS late).
- I am really only late some of the time and it's usually for things I don't really want to do. Or because I was engaged in something I didn't want to leave.
- I love and appreciate that a deeper part of myself knows what I love and what I don't. I commit to living from my deeper truth and organizing my life around it.

Simple...right?

Next the more difficult part...

- How do we impact the next generations?

It is often easier to do the work I've covered in private...in our own journal or our private time. However, the outward impact of taking this to our loved ones is profound!

A ratio of 5:1 of acknowledgments to criticisms is necessary to impact another. What are we usually filling our conversations with when we speak to our loved ones. Recently I have taken the opportunity to sit with my son in the evening and take turns doing this with each other.

It's harder than you might think.

But by the time we get to the 4th and 5th compliments I can literally see the happiness on his face and I can feel it inside myself. It establishes a flow so profound that our children want to jump right into us and warm up to the motherly love they once felt as babies. I have seen it first hand. He will lean over and give me a hug and say "I love you so much, Mom!" It makes a world of difference after an evening of prodding, or worse, to get homework done for the next day.

Ask yourself these questions:

What do you see in your child?

What do you appreciate in your child?

What do you admire in your child?

Then, share it with them.

Have a wonderful day!